The Disillusionment of Girlhood

"The Disillusionment of Girlhood" (2024) mixed media on wooden panel, laser print speaks to both the flourishing spring of adolescence and the decay of this season when the burdens of adulthood are brought to one’s attention.
Throughout this series of self-portraits I wanted to reflect on what it is to exist and grow as a woman. Highlighting the duality of girlhood and the subsequent duality of maturity that adds tension and sometimes erosion to the initial sweetness and innocence of this iconic stage in a woman’s life. I often grieve for the person I might have been without the societal pressures and experiences I went through.
The self portrait series is set within a childhood bedroom, as the subject I lay on a childhood bed. The scene conveys a sense of solitude and introspection, exploring what might have been if life’s adversities had not intervened. By returning to a place of prelude, to a realm that has not yet been met with the jarring forces of insensitive input, we are reminded of the sweet power these fragile parts have in shaping who we choose to be. These works are a meditation on the grief for the person I was before this transition and the ongoing tension between who I am now and who I might have been.
I have always thought self-portraits to be incredibly vulnerable. Perhaps it is my perfectionistic nature that leads me to criticize myself, and thus any portrayal of myself reflected onto the canvas. Perhaps as women we are pushed to be overly critical of ourselves. It works as a paradox then that the very thing I struggle with in my own practice I aim to portray through this self portrait. Who would I be without the decay that haunts me?